It Can Come down in a moment


I was woken up by the familiar ring tone. I got up and started looking for the phone. I followed the ringing and found my phone under the book I was reading earlier that night. I looked up at the clock, it was almost three in the night.

I had been waiting for Kalp; my calls to him went unanswered and I was beginning to get worried. Usually he called whenever he was to be late at work. That day when there was no call from him till 12:30 I had started calling his number repeatedly. I told myself that he must be in an editing studio and the phone must be lying outside. I tried reading a book, but it failed to take my mind off the situation. My mind started thinking about different things, all unpleasant thoughts. I paced the living room, kept going out on the terrace to look at the gate of the complex that is visible from our balcony. Then sometime later I fell asleep on the couch.

I clicked the receive button and instead of Kalp’s endearing voice I heard a stranger on the other side.

That night my life changed in a much unexpected way. Our world, mine and Kalp’s came crumbling down and there was nothing I could do to prevent it. Life’s unpredictability hit me in the worst possible manner. The call was from a hospital; the caller, Inspector Karyekar dialed the number that was listed as having sent 19 missed calls to find the whereabouts of the body they found on the new link road (very near to our complex). As per him the guy was hit by some speeding vehicle and had been lying on the road for some time before a Good Samaritan called the police and informed about the accident. He told me that they have sent the body for a post-mortem. I managed to say, I will be there as soon as possible.

I felt dizzy. I didn’t know what to do. It felt unreal, like something from out of this world. Even in my wildest and scariest dreams I had not seen something like this happening. I sat there for almost an eternity when I got another call. This time it was from Jayant, our friend, who I had called to ask him about Kalp. I received his call with shaky hands. He asked me if Kalp has reached home safely. That’s when I let it out; a moan, a muffled scream; I wanted to tell Jayant what had happened, but my mouth was gagged; I was not able to say even a single word; I wanted to tell him that Kalp had been lying on the road, for hours, very near to our house & that now he was in some hospital, being scrutinized for the cause of death. I finally managed to say something, but there was nobody on the other side. Jayant who lived a few blocks down the line was on his way to my place.

By the time Jayant came over I was crying aloud. There was no stopping me. We were to celebrate our 11th anniversary next week.

I met Kalp almost twelve years ago in a party hosted by a regular friend. I was 19 and he was 23 then. I had just started my engineering degree and he was in the last year of his PG in mass comm. We didn’t really click with each other initially. Initially we met each other at some or the other friend’s place. After some time, we realized that we like being together – at every other party or gathering where both of us were invited, we ended up sitting and spending time together despite of bringing dates of our own. In the 10th month of our knowing each other, we decided to give us a chance. Till that time we had not officially dated each other – we just spent most of our free time with each other – talking, watching movies, checking out guys, eating out, attending lectures and watching plays. It was not love at first sight, but it was a love evolved over many sights and it was real.

He lived with his family at Versova and I lived with my family at Bandra. We were scraping for every minute that we could spend together. Both of us being dependent financially on our families was not helping our cause as well. We used to meet and then plan about future. Both of us realized that moving in together will be a wonderful idea. We waited till Kalp got a job and then made our moves. By that time we were in second year of knowing each other & the first year of our relationship.

I came out to my family. My mom and dad understood but nevertheless were greatly affected. My sister started looking at me with much respect. My coming out to family proved that I was not the spineless creature she kept calling me. I think breaking the news of my moving out was a bigger blow to my parents. I told them about Kalp. Accepting the fact that their son is a homosexual is fine. They can manage to live with it. But having to see their homosexual son living with his partner is something that will constantly remind them of the unwelcome predicament they are in. My dad tried putting his foot down. But I had already crossed the biggest block; all others were supposed o fall in place.

Kalp’s coming out was not easy. He has two elder brothers who are married and a younger brother and they all live together. He didn’t want to come out. He knew that his orthodox family will never understand. Even the subject of his moving out was not taken nicely. It was seen as an act of treason against the family. In the heated discussion that followed his declaration of moving out his secret was spilled by the youngest brother who had known about his orientation for sometime. That night when Kalp called me from Jayant’s place, I knew something very bad has happened. I rushed to Jayant’s place, where I found a very much shaken and bruised Kalp. His elder brothers tried to thrash his homosexuality out of him at the behest of his father.

Kalp’s salary was not enough for us to live anywhere else but some place like Mira Rd. We found a charming 1 bhk in Mira Rd, for a monthly rent of 800 Rs. Jayant helped us with the deposit of 10,000 Rs. A week after Kalp came out to his family, we moved into our new place. Saloni, Kalp’s younger sister-in-law smuggled his books, clothes and few other stuff to Jayant’s place; she also left a thick wad of 500 Rs notes send by Kalp’s mother. From my side of family, my mother and sister helped me set up the place. Mom gave me the extra stove and utensils and mattresses. My sister started giving me an allowance of 1500 Rs and my mom used to give me as much money as she could spare without inviting my dad’s attention, who was still angry with me.

Life in Mira Rd was heavenly. Commuting was a nightmare - it was very far from my college in Powai and Kalp’s office in Fort. But waking up every morning to the sight of Kalp sleeping like a baby by my side was invaluable. Those nights of love making; washing dishes together, endless conversations, spending the Sundays mornings reading newspaper and then watching television together – every thing was great.

We had our share of fights, misunderstandings & insecurities. There was a time when Kalp used to get incensed at the mention of one of my charming colleagues whose forwards in my phone were taking more and more space. Then when I chose Jamnalal Bajaj over IIM Bangalore, Kalp had not been happy. He saw himself as a reason for my bad decision. I loved studying at JBIMS and have not regretted that decision for even a single moment. I got uncomfortable when Jayant’s offered Kalp a place in his film production company. There was a point when they were spending more time together than us. It continued till the release of their first tele serial.

Over the years we managed to overcome our insecurities from the relationship. Both of us knew – we are not going anywhere, this is where life is, and this will be where we will die – in each other’s arms. We moved to our 3 bhk apartment in Malad, four years ago. My family moved to our native place in Banaras. My sister went to Canada with her husband. Kalp’s family was still not on talking terms with him, especially his brothers. I always saw his brothers as a clever lot who used his homosexuality as a façade for their greed to keep him away from the family riches.

That day after Jayant came over and I managed to tell him what had happened, we rushed to the hospital. The twenty minute drive to the hospital seemed like hours long, during which our lives together swept past my eyes. We reached the hospital and just as the lift door was about to close I got another call from Kalp’s mobile, but before I could find out what it was about the door closed and the call got disconnected. When we reached the floor where Kalp’s body was I almost froze. Standing with the Inspector were Kalp’s three brothers and a little further down the lobby were his parents and one of the sisters-in-law. Nobody seemed to be even remotely as much distressed as I was; only his mother showed some emotions. I was aghast. How did his family come to know about this? Kalp’s mobile didn’t have any of their numbers. We approached the inspector amidst cold and nasty stares from the family. I was too weak to think or speak. Jayant introduced me as the person whom the Inspector had called to inform about the death. At that point, the inspector accepted that he made a mistake. Since he had lost a lot of blood and was very still, he assumed he is dead and that the doctors will pronounce the same in some time. The doctors found him alive and started operating on him. One of the nurses working on the operation knew Kalp and his family. Thus his family was informed and summoned. With the so called immediate family present there, it never occurred to the inspector that he had killed someone over phone and that dead person needed to be told that the news was a false alarm.

I was too weak to even move otherwise I would have beaten the bastard to death. Jayant assisted me to one of the chairs, where we waited for the operation to get over. At 5:30 in the morning, the doctors announced that he has lapsed into a coma. My crying started again. There was no stopping me. On the other side, all but his mother and Saloni took the news very calmly. He was put in the ICU and everyone except two members of the immediate family was asked to leave. I was not even allowed to have a look at him. This was another of those injustices that we have been going through as an unofficial couple. For society and law we were two individuals with no verifiable or legally enforceable connections. We couldn’t open a joint account; we could not name each other as the benefactor in our insurance policies; when we tried naming each other as the sole benefactor in our wills, our lawyer friend informed us that this will can be easily contested and defeated in a court. These were things that were important but didn’t matter so much. But what happened at the hospital was totally unbearable. I refused to buzz from there unless I had seen him from close. After much cajoling, the doctors allowed me to have a look at him. Looking at his heaving chest made me immensely happy.

Kalp remained in coma for 13 days. Those 13 days were the most unhappy days of my life. I was allowed to see him once a day for a few minutes. Every time Jayant or one of the other friends used to accompany me, for nobody liked the way the nasty brothers looked at me. On the day of our anniversary all the friends came over to our place and we prayed for his well being. I practically lived outside the hospital. Saloni became the connection between his room and me and it was at 4 in morning on the 13th day, when she called me to inform that he has come back to senses and he has been asking for me. I ran with all my life. Jayant, who was sleeping in the guest bed room was woken up by the slammed door. He followed me to the hospital.

It’s been two years since that episode from our lives. Today, we are just 3 weeks away from moving to Canada. Next month we will be signing the papers and will officially become partners. We will have right over each other. I will be a spouse and not just a friend or roommate. If something ever happens to me or in case of my demise, I want to leave the right of planning my funeral with Kalp. I want to make sure that he remains a part of my life even after I am not around. I don’t want him to become a stranger just because he didn’t sign on some paper.