The story of Ohsobeautiful

Once upon a time there lived a guy called Methehelpless. He had a wife who was feared by all. Her name was Youhavehadit. She was a woman of a cruel disposition. She bore two daughters and a son to Methehelpless.

Before Youhavehadit, Methehelpless was married to Benignandlovely. Poor Benignandlovely died of a deadly disease and left one daughter behind. This eldest child of the Crazylot clan was called Ohsobeautiful. The other children were Cruella, Evenmorecruella and Goodfornothing.

The girls hated Ohsobeautiful with all their heart their hatred for her was manifested in various forms. They used to pour spoonfuls of salt in Ohsobeautiful's porridge; or sometimes they would wet her bed and she'd have to sleep on the ground. Methehelpless tried helping his daughter but he was helpless against the combined powers of Youhavehadit and her two daughters. Goodfornothing also felt sorry for Ohsobeautiful and his heart would reach out for her, but he was good for nothing. Thus, Ohsobeautiful was left to defend for herself - at which she was not very good.

So, the Crazylot clan continued its harsh treatment of the eldest daughter of the family.

One day Evenmorecruella tried burning Ohsobeautiful's face. Earlier that day Ohsobeautiful had accompanied Evenmorecruella to the local cosmetics shop. Evenmorecruella was suffering from a rare kind of disease which had left large, red boils on her cheek. The family doctor Mr.Neversawmedschool termed the disease – “wierdkindaacne”. The salesman at the shop Hopelesslyinlove, in an attempt to impress Ohsobeautiful made some snide remarks about Eversocruella's condition. Little did he know that his innocent attempt at wit would cost his object of affection a good deal of mental and physical trauma.

At home Evenmorecruella repeated the incident to the rest of the family. Goodfornothing added salt to injury by laughing like a horse. Goodfornothing usually was very good for creating trouble for others. If a mathematician had to document all the conflicts throughout the village he/she would reach to a conclusion that most of those conflicts had a horse-like laughter in the background. Incinerated by continuous insults, Evenmorecruella decided to take out her frustration on Ohsobeautiful. She picked a cinder from the oven and charged at Ohsobeautiful with harmful intent. Ohsobeautiful, defying the theories about beautiful women being dumb, foresaw the harm that was about to be inflicted upon her and made for her escape. She ran out of the house and rushed towards the cosmetics shop. She expected help and shelter from her chivalrous hero and lover. But when she reached the corner from where she could see the shop, a very unwelcome scene was waiting for her. She witnessed the public spanking of Hopelesslyinlove by his master, who was very angry at loosing a regular customer like Evenmorecruella.

Hopelesslyinlove's master Mr.Shrewedtrader banked upon ugly women and their notion (which was cleverly supplanted in their heads by advertisements issued by his PR firm Kiss'n'Tell) that using more and more cosmetics would make them look more desirable. Such a tactic ensured continuous traffic of customers and in most cases life long patronage. For such a man, an incident like that morning was a very serious concern.

Ohsobeautiful left before she could get sick all over herself. Hopelesslyinlove's rear assets were far from her liking and the red marks on them gave those puny things even more sickening look. She took to the paths that lead to the big city - the Landofthugs.

At the same time, Iamwaytoosmartforyou, a girl of the same age as Ohsobeautiful entered the tiny village of Pockmarkonthemap. Call it nature’s weird ways or what you may – Iamwaytoosmartforyou looked exactly like Ohsobeautiful. So striking was the resemblance that the besotted lover, when free from the spanking (to which Iamwaytoosmartforyou was a witness and which was very much enjoyed by her in a perverted sort of way; she liked slender guys) ran straight towards her and started telling tales of his tryst with the loveless life. Iamwaytoosmartforyou was very smart indeed and within a couple of hours she knew a lot about a girl called Ohsobeautiful who resembled her lot, at least physically.

A little something about Iamwaytoosmartforyou. She was left by herself on the steps of a rich man’s mansion. The housekeeper of the house Mrs.Spicandspan took pity on the infant and took her in. She named the baby Adora, for she was very adorable. Adora was a very free spirited girl. She always managed to pick a fight with others, especially with the master’s son Willbecomeprincecharmingsomeday. The biggest subject of fight used to be the length of his name. They grew together under the same roof. As Adora entered adolescence, her beauty and free spirit started worrying Willbecomeprincecharmingsomeday’s mother Worriedaboutbountyhunters. She saw her as a threat as her son spent half of his time complaining about her. Worriedaboutbountyhunters clearly remembered her youth when she used to be Miss Bountyhunter and how she had made Mr.Cluelessinlove fall for her by playing the I-will-make-you-hate-me-and one-day-you-will-realize-you-are-in-love-with-me game. She started looking for ways to get rid of Adora and Mother Nature presented her with the perfect way out. Mrs. Spicandspan died of old age and soon after the funeral Adora was asked to leave the mansion. Adora would have left the place peacefully, for she saw no reason for her to stay there; but as luck would have it, she overheard Mrs. Worriedaboutbountyhunters talking to her ladies maid Gloatingoveryoursorrows about how she managed to throw out the fly in her glass of milk. This angered Adora to great extent and that is when she acquired her new name “Iamwaytoosmartforyou”.

In order to seek revenge, Iamwaytoosmartforyou stole the solitaire from Mrs. Worriedaboutbountyhunters’s bedroom. But before she could leave the premises, Gloatingoveryoursorrows, who had seen the theft being committed, alerted the guards. Iamwaytoosmartforyou managed to leave the premises without being caught but soon the entire militia was looking for her. She fled from the Landofthugs.


Will continue