The Runaway Bridegroom


It all began with the marriage proposal that came from London. My sister won the hearts of a London Based Indian family and their only son was supposed to come and stay with us. I am quoting an entry from my diary, just to fill up the background.

24th July, 2002:

“Hi Diary, I’m back. Sorry I can’t write lying down, I’m so full of sweets, my tummy will explode. Everybody is so happy today. Prarthna is soon to be married to this NRI. Ideally he is the “CATCH” every parent/girl dream of. He belongs to a family of IFS officers, with the Father–In–Law serving in the UK Embassy; attended Stanford and went on to Kellogg’s and now works for Goldman Sachs at New York. Wait! I’m not done yet; he lives on the 44th floor of a high end apartment rise and makes tonnes of money by Indian Standards. He is not at all bad looking. The picture suggests that with a little help he is capable of inducing a few sizzles here and there.

So much and so good. Well, Prarthna is a catch in her own way. Miss India finalist, a well known face on television; has got attitude and knows quite well how and where to use it. She is beautiful and she’s full of it.”


We bagged this connection through the sister–in–law of my Mother’s brother whose husband is friends with Suchit’s father. He was supposed to stay with us for seven days. Everyone was excited save for Prarthna. She was very fidgety. The excitement caught up with me as well. Continuously looking at that snap of Suchit’s, sometimes in Mommy’s hands, sometimes on Dadi’s cot and sometimes while fetching it from Prarthna’s drawer to show to curious friends and relatives, I had developed a strange liking towards it. For those who find it difficult understanding these things, I am gay; have been so all my life and good for me, I realised it pretty early. But, I have always been wise enough to stay away from men who are friend to family. Whatever was happening was totally strange. May be because I was hearing so much about him. Looking back, I realize, it was the reaction of a girl that is about to get married to this stranger; a stranger who lives in a picture and in the gossips of the family. Only, the stranger was coming to marry my sis. I used to think, I will get over him the moment I see him. And then the day of his arrival came.

I drove Dad, Mommy, Dadi, Uncle, Aunty, Mausi, Raghav, Chinki and Palak to the airport. I was finding it hard to breathe properly. The flight luckily was on time. Despite all my nervousness and the zillion butterflies in my stomach I vouched to stand at the very front of the throng of waiting people to welcome Suchit. I scanned the arriving passengers for a very tall, wheatish–fair guy with wavy, brown hairs and deep eyes.....and there he was.


12th August, 2002:

“Dear Diary, hold me, I am flying. No smart comments now, I’m SERIOUS!

)He’s just gorgeous! Beautiful! (and breathtakingly so

Nobody’s ever had this effect on me before... EVER! He is too good to be true... too good to be straight... LOL... But seriously, he is just so sweet, , sensitive and a veryso humble and soooo interesting. And, oh yeah good listener to boot!

Meri kismet main aisa koyee kyon nahin? Last night I made a fool of myself. I was so shocked. He passed me by and I kept gaping at him. Later I was blushing and thanks to my color, it was free for all to see.

Every time he is around, my heart starts hammering and I forget what I’m doing... I become some sort of clueless teeny bopper, blushing and fainting at the sight of her first crush. And to complicate the matters even more, he is sharing my room. Imagine my plight! What must he have thought of me? To save myself from any more mortification, last night when he came into the room, I pretended to be asleep and then spent the night listening to the rhythm of his breath. I think I might just go crazy if this I have to put up with this... this... inability to do... SOMETHING... with him for very long.”


Suchit won everybody’s heart including mine. But Prarthna was growing more and more restless. Then one day I saw her doing something which someone like Suchit didn’t really deserve. I was very cross with her and jumped on the first opportunity to corner her and question her intentions. I was left bewildered in that corner but I was sure something is wrong. I was beginning to fear something that I am sure had not crossed anybody else’s mind. At least not for the last 5–6 months; ever since Prarthna’s boy–friend Aamir was thrown out of our lives.


13th August, 2002:

“Prarthna and Suchit were supposed to go to the Siddhivinayak temple today. Prarthna pretended to have a head–ache and when Suchit tried to tend her, she snubbed him. This girl is too much. She has been like this all this while. Not that she’s ever been any better. But such uncouth behaviour in such delicate a situation is inexplicable. Or there may be an explanation to all this after all. What if Aamir is still in her life? Good for her. That boy keeps her in check. But then why is she not saying anything? Why is she letting this masquerade continue? I feel sorry for Suchit. He certainly deserves better than this. Mom and dad will be devastated. If only Aamir was Amar... Or maybe this is how things were supposed to be.

I tried talking some sense into that stupid girl. But she scalded me and left me for dead. Come to think of it, what if she really loves Aamir? What if he too is truly serious about her? Who am I to judge them and their relationship? But here sincerity is not the only question. What are we going to do about his religion? Dadi still curses Aurangzeb for every evil that persists in society. Dadi’s doctrine of “bad things happen to evil people and those who have done much of it in their last birth if not this one” puts her in a very bad light. By that same standard Dadi must have been a really bad person to deserve a granddaughter who is keen on marrying a Muslim and a grandson who is willing to settle down with a guy.”


Prarthna’s behaviour disturbed him. I looked for him throughout the house and finally found him on the terrace, writing something in a black note–book. He smiled at me and swept me off my feet, yet again. I had started being somewhat comfortable in his company. We made some small talk and then he suggested a walk down the tree lined lane that ran parallel to our house.

As we walked I thanked God many times over for His perfect timing; the sky was overcast and a cool breeze was doing the rounds about us; just the right atmosphere for a romantic stroll down lover’s lane! It was a very lovely day.

We kept silent for a while, only smiling at each other from time to time and then looking elsewhere (in my case, to keep that glee I had in my smile, away from his eyes’ reach). I was enjoying the walk thoroughly. It was exactly like I had dreamt it could be. The road was almost deserted.

I tried apologising for Prarthna’s behaviour earlier in the day and to my surprise, that somehow broke the ice. We started talking; first about his job and my studies and then about his studies and my future professional aspirations and then about friends and family; and then about practically everything else under the Sun.

We had just started discussing his love for poetry when it started raining. And the magic of the next few moments happened instinctively I think... He took my hand and ran towards the only shelter available on that lonely stretch of road (a big Gulmohar tree), and there we stood waiting for the rain to stop. His arm was draped almost protectively around my shoulders, and I found myself on Cloud 9. The spell lasted for only a few breathtaking minutes when something made him take his arms off me (God how I hate that undefined something!)

After about half an hour when the rain had calmed to a lazy drizzle we decided to take a rickshaw to home. That small run in the rickshaw was another of those cherished moments with him. We were sitting really close, water dripping from us, shivering like babes fresh out of the womb.

Every moment was a conflict; all I wanted to do was gather him into my arms and offer some of the warmth that flowed in my heart. His chest hairs peeking from the open collar of his wet white shirt (which left little to my rampant imagination) was proving to be of little help in keeping those desires in check. Thankfully (sadly) we reached home. We never got another minute to ourselves after all that day long.



14th August 2002:

“I am in love. I have no time for a prologue. I am too busy being happy. I will never forget August the 13th of the year 2002... (Sigh... long and orgasmic, sigh!)

That was a walk to remember and a rain that will whet my memories for times to come. Dear God, will I ever meet someone like him, like him only – a version of Suchit who can reciprocate my feelings?

Should I tell him about Aamir and Prarthna? I would – at that – if I wasn’t so sure it would put an end to his stay here. No. Don’t even think about it! Don’t expect me to be too reasonable my dear diary.

Anyways... I have to go. We’re going for a movie. I’m thinking of clarifying things with Prarthna at least. What is it that she’s after?”


That day Prarthna left the theatre to attend a call and didn’t return till the end of the movie. As it turned out, she’d upped and left for some other place (Aamir!... Aamir!... Aamir – Alert!). Except for her behaviour there was nothing else that spoiled the day for the two us. We loved the movie and later on when we found out that Prarthna was nowhere to be found, we walked all the way to Marine Drive (allowing me ). Once there, weto act superior and play tourist guide the whole way sat in front of the Oberoi’s having some sort of impromptu Tea Guzzling Tournament and the evening became yet another of the most memorable evenings of my life. I even stopped being careful about my love for him showing on my face. It was as if we were like two lovers spending quality time together.

That night when we returned home, Prarthna had already reached home and by the looks on everybody’s face I could tell that something was wrong. After sending Suchit to the room, all of us huddled into Dadi’s bedroom. The court was set in motion, accusations made, arguments snubbed, truth demanded and rulings given. Aamir once again came forth and Prarthna was told in no indefinite terms that the boy was AIDS as far the family was concerned and was to be avoided in like manner. She cried and pleaded and for the first time I understood her pain. I hazarded to lend my own feeble support in favour of my sis – and was rewarded with a slap from dad leaving one half of my face stinging in its wake.

That’s when I realised the severity of the situation. I and my sister were up against parents who were not going to be easily overruled. They were heavily prejudiced and falsely progressive. All of a sudden I saw all my hopes come tumbling down about my ears; the hopelessness of my situation, the folly of my desire – my parents were bent upon marrying off the man of my dreams to my TOTALLY unwilling sister!

I was on the verge of breaking down when the court’s session called to an end.


15th August 2002:

“Dear God, help me. Yesterday I spent the day with the man I love; happy and gay. And then as if to set the balances straight I spent the night crying. I realised the futility of my dreams and the truth of matters. I can’t have the man I love. My sister will be forcibly married to him. She doesn’t love him, she loves Aamir. Suchit has not made up his mind about her; the way things are going he’s probably gonna say no to her.

I hope.

Last night when I came back to room he was still awake, sitting at my desk. By the look on his face I could tell that he knew what was going on. He even noticed the swelling on my face and approached as if to attend to it – but much to my disappointment he settled with offering me a damp cloth.

We didn’t talk much.”


That night after switching off the lights I lay on my bed, silently crying. My heart was aching to go to him. He asked if I was ok...

Next morning there was a tension in the air. Mom and dad were trying their best to be cheerful and look happy. Suchit was very grim faced. Everyone added two and two together; Mom and Dadi retreated to Dadi’s room, lamenting about the situation and waiting for the bomb to be dropped. Yes, it was very evident, everyone was expecting something. Anxiety hung heavily in the air.

Suchit dear dropped the bomb at the breakfast table.

Well Mommy had asked for it; after what seemed to be hours of prodding, Suchit said “I don’t want Prarthna to be forced to marry me.” He declared that he would be going back as soon as possible. The desperation on Mom and Dad’s face was embarrassing me mightily; I didn’t know what to do. It was just such a hopeless situation.

Suchit came back up to our room and told me that he did not wish to stay here any longer as he felt the situation was now unbearably awkward. We talked a little bit more while he was packing to leave for a hotel. He seemed to be very much disturbed. In my heart I continually cursed the whole situation. I could not bear the sight of his handsome face being contorted into mask of anguish. May be he did like Prarthna after all... What a mess!


15th August 2002:

“Dear Diary – he’s left the house. I have just returned after dropping him at the Orchid.

I am feeling so empty, so hopeless, as if I have lost everything that meant anything to me. My longing heart has been reading too much in his eyes, in his actions and in his words. We talked a bit while he was packing. He seemed very disturbed for some reason. I mean I never thought he would be so badly affected by all this. My heart keeps hoping against hope....was all that grief for me? Will he remember me once he’s away? Did I ever mean anything to him? What does he think of me? Where do I stand? Does he even consider me a friend? We don’t have much of an age difference, he is 26 while I am 23...we can be friends. I think, the way we talked and had good times together, he liked my company.

I feel like going to him, calling him, talking to him...but I don’t have any reason that would hold good. After all I am brother of the girl he was supposed to marry and whom he is not marrying anymore. Of all the people, why did I fall for a straight guy? God, you have strange ways. I don’t understand your plans...why did he have to come into my world...shake everything and then leave...I am tired. I think I will sleep. God, I love him. Please give him strength”


15th august 2002
Page 302 of Suchit Mishra’s Journal
Hotel Orchid,
Mumbai, India.

17:22

“I came here to find a bride, found myself instead; found him and then lost him....I fear I will lose myself as well. I never thought I will ever accept this side of myself. Pullack swept me off like a wind sweeps a stray leaf off the ground. A confused, gawky lad at one point and a mature, understanding man at another....he won my heart in every role he played. I smile at the futility of the situation. What am I supposed to do? I am in love with this guy, who probably is angry with me for turning down his sister. He seemed to be very disturbed. I hate myself for being the reason for his strife. But I had no choice. For long I have been denying myself the right to be ‘myself ’.Family, prestige, career, customs, society....what was I going to do? Marry a girl and kill myself? I think I see why God send Pullack in my life. Thank you dear, for giving me my life back. Denying me the right to be my true self was easy when I had no one in my life. Pullack has shown me that my heart will beat for another man only. Pullack,Pullack,Pullack....I love you. I wish I could say this to you. My dear, my grievous heart is pining for your company. I can’t even call you. What would I say why am I calling? I think he liked me. I will cherish those moments spent with him...for ever and ever...My thoughts are going awry. I think I will stop writing. I miss you dear. I love you.”


Suchit called me the next day to inform me about his flight timings. I was not able to say anything to him. My heart was swelling with grief. It was after this call that I cried my heart out. It finally settled upon me that the only person whom I loved would be leaving me for ever. He didn’t even know what he meant to me. That’s when I decided that I will tell him. He won’t be around to embarrass me and I will be at peace that at least he knows how much he means to me. How? I spent hours thinking about it and ultimately reached the final decision.

I poured my heart out in two pages; folded and tucked them neatly inside a copy of “The Bridges of Madison County” and reached the hotel just in time. We didn’t talk much during the short drive. I didn’t trust myself with speaking. I might have given away myself then and there. At the last check in point, we finally bid good–bye to each other by shaking hands...which I held for a bit too long. He gave me a brief hug and left.

I sat in my car, crying like a baby. I gained so much and then lost everything, within a few weeks.


Somewhere in my heart there was a small hope that he would call me after reading my letter. Whole next day proved to be a draught as far as calls were concerned. Luckily everyone had their own grieves to address, so I was spared any questions regarding the gloom that wrapped me. Within a day I had become like a skeleton....lifeless.

It must have been early morning when the phone call came. I picked the phone and the voice on the other side of the line made me jump out of my bed.

We look at those days with fondness. Suchit came across my letter as soon as the plane lifted to air. I can imagine how happy it made him and how restless at the same time. The time between Mumbai to Frankfurt was a real test of his patience. Once he landed at Frankfurt, he darted back towards Mumbai and delivered me of my pains immediately. We had a re–union at five thirty in the morning at his hotel.


Much has changed since then. We live in New York and would be celebrating the second anniversary of our togetherness. How we managed to overcome our families is a story in itself. Prarthna & Aamir are going to be married by the end of this year. In the end I would like to say, may everyone get the love they seek and be loved as much as they love. Amen!